2020: A Year in Fucking Review



The Year 2020 has Really sucked Major donkey balls!


I was going to do this blog the first week of November but the clickity clack of the keyboard had its own mind and well, here we are. The next few blogs will focus on Health. This is due to a close buddy’s wife being diagnosed with Covid-19 this week. They are concerned as anyone would be in this situation and will respect their privacy in the matter other than sending love and support. Both good people. Instead, I will tell you what my experience was on getting the Coof, before it was rebranded into what it is known as today, Covid-19 (what a shitty name for a band by the way).


Let’s start properly by going back a year. Last year at this time I had the start of a cold/cough that was wicked and unapologetic. I am and have not ever been a sickly man. Some seem to catch everything that comes down the path or at least they think they do. I have been ill in the past. I had the flu with the bonus of vertigo, that was two weeks of heavy recouping due to the vertigo, which was weird. I have had small kids and every school year like many other parents I got the new germs from the other kids via the hands that touch all as that is what they do in grammar school. Boogers, dirt and germs everywhere! Low level coughs and colds. Usually hit with a one, two three in a row with September and beginning of October filled with sniffles, but not “sick”. If a heavier illness came along as it did a few times throughout the years, it usually showed up after the holidays after everyone went home, germs shared around the Christmas dinner table.


It all started out with a sinus issue followed by a dry nagging cough that got worse as time went on. The Corona Virus or its new non beer name Covid -19 was not publicly branded yet. Within a few months, everyone would know what it is and what it could do. One could have thought the Earth stopped spinning because the world definitely stopped. Before they can identify something like that, they must have quite a few cases preceding the announcement. Problem was it attacks people differently depending on many factors that we have come to know or have now forgotten. Well, I was one of the unlucky few to have that happen to. CDC was on the look out and I was soon to be involved in something I did not care to be.


Below is a brief explanation of what went on. I am sure a more in-depth version will somehow show up in the book I am writing next.


It’s the night of October 31st and I am prepping to go to Upstate New York for the Native American Music Awards to hang with my buddy Rob as well as do some interviews for my then soon to launch “that one uncle” podcast.


I just came back from running errands and I was supposed to leave in the morning, no problem. I go out to set the car up for the road trip. I do not fly anymore, so don’t ask me too. The answer is always the same. I drive. (Get over it and move on). Ha! It is about an eight-hour drive and I was looking forward to it. Driving time is thinking time which means writing time, undisturbed. Both there and back I can get a lot done as well as take care of some things while in Niagara Falls. As I walk up to the car, I see there is something on the driveway underneath it. I don’t remember anything being there when I had pulled up a few hours prior. After making noises to reflect my body's reaction of me having the audacity to bend down on my knees and find that the alternator belt was off, and the bearing was spun.


There was no way I was going to make it to NY. Car rental and repair would have thrown the budget into a not good place with monthly expenses and there was no way the car could be fixed in time. With the mileage of the car and formerly being a service writer for a car dealer, it was also a water pump that had emptied when I moved the pulley. It would be at the shop a couple of days. The universe had spoken, and I told the news to my buddy Rob that I would not make it.


Accepting the change in plans due to interruption from the universe sucked but it is what it is. Everything happens for a reason. I believe that anyway. later that evening at about 2am I am l finally lay down to go to bed and I feel like my nose is running. turns out it was blood. I figured since it was first day of the heater in use no big deal, I usually get a nose bleeds when the weather changes. Always with the first use of heat. Nothing to talk about and it’s over in a couple minutes. I get up to take care of it and it just started bleeding super-fast, like it was pouring out of my face holes. Took a small notice of that but I originally thought it was because I was laying down and that postnasal drip, I had the half hour preceding that was blood, and not mucous.


Remember its Halloween night and I am a joker, a prankster and a former special effects technician. I am starting to get nervous because now I am coughing up mouthfuls of blood and I cannot get it to stop. What the fuck was that, was all I could think. I also could not wake anyone up and tell them in was in trouble as due to my joking nature and my twisted sense of humor I may not have been believed in a timely manner. That actually made me laugh top myself.


The following morning, I tell my youngest son and my eighty-six-year-old Ma, (who I am caregiver for) on my comedic view of not being able to tell them about my bloody nose issue the night before. We laughed off and carry on with our day.


That night as I am thinking about what had happened the night before... I feel a trickle come down my nose and down my face. The heat of the blood flowing over my lip surprised me. FUCK. Here we go again.


After about fifteen minutes of bleeding with no stopping in sight I woke up my Ma for her to call 911 for me. I was busy trying to stop the bleeding and sit still. The bathroom looked like a murder scene, blood everywhere. Rags and Kleenex strung about and a good cleaning in its near future. I looked like I got my ass kicked my Mike Tyson inn a street brawl.

The ambulance comes and takes me to the Emergency Room. Kids and the ex-wife show up almost immediately. After an hour of the medical team to try to get my bleeding to stop; my deviated septum was un-deviated by force in my face hole to safe my life. SNAP! Two inches into my face my “nose” breaks. I am trying to remain calm, so I don’t bleed faster. Doctor on my chest, me trying to break his arm for hurting me with the treatment as I could feel the pressure of my nose about to be broken internally. My ex (formerly a flight medic in the Army) pulling back my arm so I can get treated. Well FUCK, that hurt intensely. After that I had to just not talk to anyone and accept what just happened there. Yikes! I shook for a good ninety minutes afterwards. They did get the bleeding to stop finally after administering medical cocaine and my suggestion of an antihistamine as my coughing kept on breaking the scab on the blood vessel that had broken at the back of my nasal cavity. Both my sons head turned at the same time and looked at me “Only you would be given cocaine in the ER Dad”. They had never heard of that before. Also took some stress off of them for a minute. The doctor didn’t want to release me but due to my insurance issue or lack of it, so they sent me home after forwarding my samples to the CDC as there was something they didn’t understand and did not care to explain, as there was unknowns. But fuck me, right?


Eighteen hours later I was back in the ER getting unloaded again from the paramedics and everyone thinks I am having a heart attack now, but I was not. This time it was a little worse and they can't give me a transfusion because of the speed of the blood loss. The boys are there again as is their Mom. Basically, it was said that I might bleed out. I went very chill when I heard that and just relaxed. Putting these things in and out of my sinus cavity, each worse than back surgery pain and over and over. I have been to the ER many times in my life, what can I say I live. I have never had the experience of looking at a frightened doctor looking at me due to my condition. I had to give them the combo of treatments that made it stop the night before as they didn’t know what to do. Everyone thought it was a bloody nose when I posted it and some still think that. I am sure all the comments...Yeah ok bloody nose guy” UM, no. Way bigger issue.


Ear, nose & throat guy was amazed at my mucous production and had my nasal cavity drained three times in five days. He said he had never seen that amount in his 35 years of doing what he did. COOL.


Fast forward about 12 weeks. The recovery to get back to about eighty percent took about that long. I slept a lot during that time and was just exhausted.  Then another two months to get back to about ninety percent. Still having issues with mucous production and being worn out. Any runny nose would put my anxiety at 100 percent. Still does. I kind of freak out when my nose runs.


Took me a while to tell my friends what had really happened. I let the bloody nose be a thing and not THE thing. At that point Corona Virus or COVID-19 did not have a place front and center of any news publication or broadcast. That would come soon. I had the same diagnosis as they now give for COVID-19. PTSD though was front and center, kicking my ass. Good thing I can take a beating.


It took me a few more months to get back to where I would stay. At about 95 percent. Which brings us to March. Within three weeks we would be locked down and my brother would take his life. PTSD event yet again on top of isolation and personals tragedy. What the fuck 2020?


Shit happened and it stunk to high hell. Projects delayed almost a year in some cases, podcast waiting for when I am ready to do it (almost there). Seems I had to heal and figure out the world again like many others.


The PTSD events alone took me a while and have kept close to myself this year. Yes, friends reached out and were great and amazing. My real-life circle remained and fortified. My sons both took extra time to make sure I was ok everyday. My youngest slept in the same room as me for two weeks while the oldest called me twice a day just to check on me. I usually do the checking on so that was nice and continues to be. He still calls me about once a day and on days when I don't want to participate in life, seeing his name on the caller ID makes me get my ass up. Sometimes you don't feel like it but you gotta.


My online family was totally cool as well. As far as social media... I can't do it. The hate and hysteria are too much for me currently. Stresses me the fuck out and I have things I have to make sure I am good for the day. Took me a while to get the funny back and I know others are searching for the funny, so I want to help them find that. I will leave the arguments that go nowhere to the ship of fools. It's an echo chamber, good luck. I will gladly entertain with my smart assery though if you feel like making fun of the world you don’t understand at all. I refuse to participate in the hate and pageantry. The only make believe I have time for is my own. I almost ate it and I now time is limited. I am fifty-one. Ninety will be here before I know it and I want to make my time count for something that isn't an argument but rather a discussion. My time counted when the kids were young and now they are fine young men.


My buddy Rob in New York who I mentioned at the start of this blog has had a few people close to him pass from Covid -19 or related issues and is waiting for his father in law to be in the clear as he is now in the hospital.  Extended family members also affected by the virus, news still coming in. Let's hope for a fast and safe healing experience for all involved. Covid –19 is a real thing and can be dangerous to some of the population, even the ones bitching about wearing masks.


It’s almost been a year, and I can say that today I feel pretty good (minus the $32,000 in medical bills which my merch and upcoming book sales will be paying that off hopefully – pssst, go buy a shirt or a mask. We have all things moist). The weather has put a bit of a damper on physically feeling good, but that is ok. Mentally I feel great. If ninety five percent is what I get, I am good with that too. The challenges in the past year have been larger than normal regarding what type of bullshit a year can entail or contain. All the boxes where checked this time around the sun. Personal loss, illness, a pandemic thrown in for good measure. 2020 can fuck right off if you ask me. I know you didn’t inquire, but I would gladly speak on your behalf and relay said message to whoever the fuck is listening.


Remember to make sure you take some Vitamin C, D, Zinc and some Magnesium for good measure. Get your sleep and eat better. Fortify your immune system. If there was a time to focus on general health, now would be the time. So as we draw 2020 to a close, everyone please raise your middle fingers in the air and give it the exit it so deserves.


Thanks for hanging out and being a friend of mine. I hope you enjoyed your coffee. Above all, take good care of yourself!


Enjoy the day! - V.

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